One of my friends' mother underwent a surgery yesterday and when I came over to her apartment last night- I immediately noticed that she looked so tired and worn out, I asked her how she was doing and she told me what happened yesterday. She went to the hospital with her family to see her mother and the surgery was supposed to be over at 10:00 am and she had class at 1 pm; they never saw her mother. She had to come back to APU and her father stayed at the hospital searching for her mother. Just before I came over last night, he called my friend to tell her that he finally found her mother but it took him all day and no one would tell him where. My friend doesn't know much but she knows that the surgery must've gone wrong because the doctors won't speak to her family about it.
As I looked into my friend's eyes, they were full of pain, confusion, and worry-- she made me think of myself in a way four years ago when we found out that my mom had cancer- the same thing but in a completely different way.
I wanted to tell her something that'd comfort her but didn't know what to say. I only shared briefly about my mom and told her that it's alright to cry, not to hold it all back in.
I couldn't shrug it off my shoulders- I wanted to say something to her but I couldn't just say, "Oh, trust in God and everything will be alright, don't worry- she'll be fine." I'd feel fake, putting on a pretend happy mask and she'll know, after all we never know what will happen. Do we?
Only God knows.
I told her to go visit her mom today and not to go to classes because that is what I would do.
Abba, lay Your hand upon her, give her peace... I cannot be the one to comfort her, only You can... it is hard enough having school to stress out over and worry about- she doesn't need any more on her mind. I lift my friend and her family up to You. Comfort them, givethem peace, and give them rest. Abba, touch her mother's body right now with Your healing hand, restore her body what may have gone wrong, You will straighten it out. Give her family joy overflowing and peace of mind so that they will trust in Your Almighty name and not to give hope up but to praise You, O Lord..
This morning, I was thinking about last night and what bothers me is that though I lost my mom is that I don't have the right words to comfort others, I think that humans are awkward comforters -- we want to comfort the one who is going through a hard time, we want to have the right stuff to say but of course we don't, only God is the True Comforter in that and we are to imitate Him by simply being there with the person. Just like He is ever-present and always with us, and to be silent but at the same time let the person know you are there if he or she wants to talk and to pray together. Only God can touch our hearts in ways He can and we cannot.
I would like to say that I learned how to be a better comforter because I lost Mom and yet I don't. I just know the pain and sorrow- everything.
I thought that I'd have the magic words to speak because I went through that but I don't, to be honest.
There is one thing I've learned in that time of great grief, that God was there with me. Simple as that.
He is there, He is crying along with me, He shares my pain. You don't want to hear someone telling you that it'll be alright in that 'fake' voice and see the fake mask of happiness plastered on when you know deep inside of your being that it isn't alright. Neither one of you know what will happen next, only God does.
He wants us to run to Him, He longs to gather us like lost children into His secure arms. We long to hear Him speak tenderly to us, with words of love.
We focus too much on our own pain and grief, how it's so hard for us to go on and constantly asking God why this is happening. We don't know what His will is or what He has for us but there is one valuable thing I've learned is that though He is not safe all of the time, He is still good. He knew how much I can take and still stand strong. Everyone is different and they all have their own trials. IT's about how we choose to respond. Some people tell me that I am so strong and they wish they had my strength- I tell them, no you don't wish for the things I had to go through just because you see this strength in me, you don't want the pain, I cannot even tell you what it was like but God was faithful to me in that season and it was all His doing- if it was not for Him, I won't be here, I won't be the person I am today.
I had to watch my mom suffer slowly yet fast and I barely remember every detail of that season but I will never forget the feelings I had or how Mom looked at the end but I will always remember how much she loved You, O Lord, and how she'd speak of Your name with joy...
Posted 10/31/2008 at 12:0 AM
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