Confident enough?

Wednesday August 16, 2006

Today, I spent several amazing hours with God at RHOP, how I missed it there!

I'm getting more and more excited about the upcoming second year internship with each passing day.
I'm becoming more and more nervous at the same time.

Part of me wants to back out and not do it because of fear, yet another part of me wants to do it because I know that this is what God wants for me.

I know God is calling me to step out and take up the responsiblity of a leader and lead others.
But am I confident enough?
Am I brave enough?

For the past month I've been spending time with God, asking for wisdom and courage, but most of all, a heart for the first year interns.
I will be ministering to all of them especially the girls and I want to share what God's done for me and show love to them.

I can already feel in my spirit that it's going to be an intense year, but wonderful one at that. I know God is going to do something extraordinary and unexpected!

I was just thinking about my life, and now that I've looked back, I was astonished at how much I've changed.
Had my mother lived, no doubt I would've been miserable with nearly no friends, and I would've been lost because I was a pretend-Christian, not fully-believing in God.
I would've never knew that Jesus loves me and sees me as His bride.
And few years ago I would have never said this, but I thought of attempting suicide just because I wasn't content with who I am, though I never tried because it was fear that held me back.

It was my mother's illness and death that brought me to my knees and caused me to go on a quest seekiung God.
Everything after that kind of fell in place. I 'moved in' with Chelsea's family and went to their church.
Then one of the best things ever happened in my life, I discovered the internship.

I remember one of the very last few 'real' conversations I had with my mom back in Feburary '05 before she died- I told her about the internship and how I wanted to do it. I will never forget the way she lighted up and said, "Oh Emily that is so wonderful, I am so proud of you for wanting to follow God."

Ever since, I've come a long way, completely different than what I expected. I never dreamt that anything like this would happen to me.

There are no words to describe how thanksful and joyful I am!
I have everything, I have my heavenly Father who loves me, I have a huge family now, I have many wonderful sisters and brothers who enjoy signing, I've overcome my shyness and fears with God's help and I am learning more and more of Jesus's love everyday and realizing that I am beautiful in His eyes.

'I just want to love
I just want to sing
To the One above
Who has touched my thristy soul

And now I'll never be the same

I'll always love You
I'll always sing to You, Jesus
I long to worship You in Spirit and in truth

Everyday I'll come
Spend my life with You
Learning of Your heart
And what You're calling me to do

My every breath belongs to You
And with this song
We'll lift the name of Jesus higher
And with a shout
We'll raise up one voice..'
--written by Tim Hughes--

Posted 8/16/2006 at 10:45 PM